generosity

i can remember as a little girl taking in a quarter for nursery school offering at Faith Church.  very happily digging it out of daddy's coin basket on his desk, carrying it in my little longaberger basket purse, and placing it in miss peggy's little, white, church-shaped piggy bank.

years later, as a babysitter and waitress, i wrestled with and then turned to proudly giving my tithe.

i'd always been a saver, so not having money was not so much a problem for me.  but i've had to learn lessons about what to do with my other 90%, post-tithe.

i didn't have a job during my first two years of college, i worked in the summers and i knew my parents had my back.  my junior year i happened upon 2 jobs.  a resident assistant job in the dorms (that i didn't really desire, but applied for because i thought it would be fun and we'd have a bigger room) and a teaching assistant job with the new mission's professor, who my roommate was working for.

something changed in me.  somewhere after earning money i started feeling like a "poor college student."  i took the position of my friends.  "i can't do that, i'm a poor college student."

i remember vividly my dad sitting me down over a break and telling me it made him sad to hear me say that.  he told me i was not a poor college student because i had him and my mom.  that instead, i should go out to eat or whatever, from time to time and if my friends couldn't afford it, then i should treat them. if i couldn't afford it, then i should charge it to them.  the lesson was learned.  rarely did i have to fall back on my parents, but i knew i could.  instead a great lesson was learned.

generosity.


always find ways to be generous.  God will always provide.

i think back now and wonder how destructive it would have been, had i enter mission work without this mindset.  how many times would i have said, "oh, i'm just a poor missionary."

sometimes i need the reminder.  but i am so thankful for the lesson to be generous and the joy that God allows me to have every time i give something away.

dying breed

when i first came to NMSI the singles complained that the "era of the singles" was dying out.  so many had married and the heyday of it being an organization of singles taking over the world was fading.

yet i looked around and we still had two full girls' houses and a full guys' house.  we just had a lot of young couples and families too!

recently i found out that with more people leaving, i will be the only single, non-dating, full-time staff person at the cgo.  we have 1 person each in a girls' house and a guys' house.

now.  now the heyday is over.  it's an interesting thing to be the only person in your bracket.   i don't know of any other single, late 20s men or women around here.

don't get me wrong.  i am BLESSED beyond belief at the people who God has put in my life.  wonderful roommates, co-workers, amazing church family.  and the reality is that, until God provides, no one truly can understand my life position but God.  so here i stand and i depend.

God timer

for the next two months i'm taking part in an experiment of sorts.  it's been done before and it is described in the book Soul Revolution.  as of yesterday, my small group is doing a 60/60 experiment.

one of those 60's stands for days, the other minutes.  every 60 minutes i have a little kitchen timer go off telling me to stop what i'm doing and connect with God.  we are doing this for the next 60 days.  some people are using stopwatches, some are getting text messages, i'm using a small kitchen timer in my pocket, purse, or on my desk or counter.

no big deal, right?  already i'm amazed.  yesterday was emotionally rough.  i'm not sure how i would have made it though without the constant reminder of God's presence.  many times when that timer beeped i just prayed, "God, You're really there, right?"  and then peace would wash over me.

one of my roommates said she got so annoyed yesterday, each time her phone went off.  she was always in the midst of changing a poopy diaper or some other mess.  i wholeheartedly agreed that - yes, it feels inconvenient to connect with God.  i've already thought ahead to certain meetings and events and wondered how do i do this.  and yet, at the same time, it's connecting with God - just once an hour!  that feels like a definite less-than-minimum.

and yet i'm excited.  yes, sometimes i know that timer will drive me nuts.  but i can't help but think and hope that this little experiment has the makings of being transformational for us.  because we are connecting to the Vine.  and i am praying for fruit.

my kitchen is mocking me

seriously.  my kitchen is mocking me.  while the rest of my house is packed up or already bare in preparation for my move across town today, my kitchen sits, untouched.

it's listed on my to-do list as, "Pack Kitchen - ugggg!!"

maybe it was that can-do spirit that got me to this point.

magnets still on the fridge.  pan of brownies on the stove.  avocado ripening on the counter.  full cabinets, stocked fridge.  i don't even know where to begin.

it think it's my 20+ moves since i moved out of my parent's house that has done this to me.  because now i know.  kitchen moving is hard!  everything is breakable or perishable.  everything is heavy.  lots of little utensils.  oy.

so did i come out of 3 months of no blogs to complain about kitchen packing?

of course not.  this is my round about way of letting people know i'm moving into a cheaper, yet bigger house, with 2 friends from church - a blessing!

and also, to let people know my kitchen is mocking me.

i swear i just heard a chuckle from behind the fridge.

who was i kidding?

i really thought i could get future posts done, the last time i posted.  even though i posted just days before our next training group came.  even though the internet was out at my house.  i was optimistic.  today i'll just say that this is a post for now and maybe eventually another one will follow.  :-)  how's that for honest!

life, following suit to this entire year, has be characterized by extremely hard circumstances combined with an overwhelming sense of peace from God.  i hope that is what i am exhibiting to those around me.  i have tried to testify to what God has done and sometimes it seems that i let myself get in the way, because, after all, little dramas make good stories - and i like to tell a good story!

like, did i tell you about how i fell over the gas pump two weeks ago?....

but even better, did i tell you how my God has constantly, over and over, provided for my needs, my hurts, and my fears.  how He has seemingly hand crafted a Bible study for myself & the women who come to my house each week to meet our needs each and every week?  how my entire viewpoint on worry seems to be changed forever because of a sermon and a week of opportunity after opportunity to not worry (i'm sure you can imagine what that means!).  God is so good.

an old friend from jbc has been sharing in her blog, "growing more grateful" things she is thankful for everyday.  i love it!  so i'm going to share a few things now, a habit i want to form to testify how great God is!

i'm thankful for these women that i got to teach in SE Asia in September

i'm thankful for this delightful little boy.  it's been almost 8 months since his momma left this world, but he is a testament to how good God truly is!

homeschooling is going well.  right now, between my all the time family, my COAT training family and a family here for processing/debrief after their first term in Africa - I am working with 11 kids daily with school, processing and training!  praise God for an amazing assistant in Brittney!  praise God for cooler weather, so we can stretch outside when the room becomes a madhouse!

praise God for amazing friends - here in the mission, in Indiana, in my wonderful Church family - so many people to uplift me and share the joy of God in the midst of these hard times.
this walk would be so much harder alone.  i'm thankful He never has left me alone.

life these days

busy busy busy abby - that's what my sister-in-law called me yesterday in an email.  i never think about how busy i am regularly, that is, until i talk to a neighbor that i haven't seen in weeks because i'm always coming and going, or until fridays.

fridays...sigh.  i homeschool kids monday through thursday mornings and so friday is my "i don't have time for that now, i'll just do it on friday" catch up day at the end of every week.  it always feels like i hit the ground running and don't stop the entire day.  our next COAT group comes in next week, so prep is at a crazy high.  aren't fridays supposed to be relaxed??

today i'm sitting at panera using their free wifi, trying to update my life and prepare for church tomorrow.  i was asked to do the communion message for this week a while ago.  the Lord has put something on my heart, now the task is not getting distracted in these final preparation moments.  it's so easy to do.  i have plants that need planted in front of my house, i have to pick up my new-to-me washing machine today, bake a dessert for tomorrow night, do the stacks of laundry that have been piling up since my old washer went kaput, take a table and chairs to a friend...and so it goes.

i want to write a long update about asia, but right now panera is filling up and i feel like i should give some sweet senior citizens my table.  so i'll leave links to my friends' website - they have a podcast about my time in M and you can hear Maggie's thoughts briefly about her first days out of the country for the first time in her 16-year old life!  also there is a short video clip of us petting actual white elephants!  so cool.  they are albinos and asia is where the whole "white elephant" gift tradition came from, as explained here.  and to explain my face in the picture here, that is me masking fear with a smile.  i know how strong elephants are - they are the most deadly animal in africa, did you know that!?  i did not like turning my back to her to be able to smile for pictures.  i thought they were lovely, i liked petting and feeding them, aaaaannndd, i was very very nervous.  please don't hit me with your super strong trunk.  please don't stomp me!  but i made it out alive and we got to do that for free!

as soon as i get internet back at home, i will attempt to write more stories of the time in asia.  God gave me some amazing opportunities to teach and serve.  and He amazed me with His faithfulness in my travels.

pray for my time tomorrow speaking at church.  i'm honored and excited to share, but also nervous.  pray that my favorite nervousness word, "ummm" doesn't overtake me and i will speak only what God wants me to share - and clearly!

this...

is what happens to your welcome mat when you never use your front door and you live in the jungle.

okay, i don't really live in "the jungle."  but it feels like it.  my house is surrounded by tropical trees and vegetation.  and mosquitos.  so i call it the jungle.  

and it's home.