God timer

for the next two months i'm taking part in an experiment of sorts.  it's been done before and it is described in the book Soul Revolution.  as of yesterday, my small group is doing a 60/60 experiment.

one of those 60's stands for days, the other minutes.  every 60 minutes i have a little kitchen timer go off telling me to stop what i'm doing and connect with God.  we are doing this for the next 60 days.  some people are using stopwatches, some are getting text messages, i'm using a small kitchen timer in my pocket, purse, or on my desk or counter.

no big deal, right?  already i'm amazed.  yesterday was emotionally rough.  i'm not sure how i would have made it though without the constant reminder of God's presence.  many times when that timer beeped i just prayed, "God, You're really there, right?"  and then peace would wash over me.

one of my roommates said she got so annoyed yesterday, each time her phone went off.  she was always in the midst of changing a poopy diaper or some other mess.  i wholeheartedly agreed that - yes, it feels inconvenient to connect with God.  i've already thought ahead to certain meetings and events and wondered how do i do this.  and yet, at the same time, it's connecting with God - just once an hour!  that feels like a definite less-than-minimum.

and yet i'm excited.  yes, sometimes i know that timer will drive me nuts.  but i can't help but think and hope that this little experiment has the makings of being transformational for us.  because we are connecting to the Vine.  and i am praying for fruit.

my kitchen is mocking me

seriously.  my kitchen is mocking me.  while the rest of my house is packed up or already bare in preparation for my move across town today, my kitchen sits, untouched.

it's listed on my to-do list as, "Pack Kitchen - ugggg!!"

maybe it was that can-do spirit that got me to this point.

magnets still on the fridge.  pan of brownies on the stove.  avocado ripening on the counter.  full cabinets, stocked fridge.  i don't even know where to begin.

it think it's my 20+ moves since i moved out of my parent's house that has done this to me.  because now i know.  kitchen moving is hard!  everything is breakable or perishable.  everything is heavy.  lots of little utensils.  oy.

so did i come out of 3 months of no blogs to complain about kitchen packing?

of course not.  this is my round about way of letting people know i'm moving into a cheaper, yet bigger house, with 2 friends from church - a blessing!

and also, to let people know my kitchen is mocking me.

i swear i just heard a chuckle from behind the fridge.

who was i kidding?

i really thought i could get future posts done, the last time i posted.  even though i posted just days before our next training group came.  even though the internet was out at my house.  i was optimistic.  today i'll just say that this is a post for now and maybe eventually another one will follow.  :-)  how's that for honest!

life, following suit to this entire year, has be characterized by extremely hard circumstances combined with an overwhelming sense of peace from God.  i hope that is what i am exhibiting to those around me.  i have tried to testify to what God has done and sometimes it seems that i let myself get in the way, because, after all, little dramas make good stories - and i like to tell a good story!

like, did i tell you about how i fell over the gas pump two weeks ago?....

but even better, did i tell you how my God has constantly, over and over, provided for my needs, my hurts, and my fears.  how He has seemingly hand crafted a Bible study for myself & the women who come to my house each week to meet our needs each and every week?  how my entire viewpoint on worry seems to be changed forever because of a sermon and a week of opportunity after opportunity to not worry (i'm sure you can imagine what that means!).  God is so good.

an old friend from jbc has been sharing in her blog, "growing more grateful" things she is thankful for everyday.  i love it!  so i'm going to share a few things now, a habit i want to form to testify how great God is!

i'm thankful for these women that i got to teach in SE Asia in September

i'm thankful for this delightful little boy.  it's been almost 8 months since his momma left this world, but he is a testament to how good God truly is!

homeschooling is going well.  right now, between my all the time family, my COAT training family and a family here for processing/debrief after their first term in Africa - I am working with 11 kids daily with school, processing and training!  praise God for an amazing assistant in Brittney!  praise God for cooler weather, so we can stretch outside when the room becomes a madhouse!

praise God for amazing friends - here in the mission, in Indiana, in my wonderful Church family - so many people to uplift me and share the joy of God in the midst of these hard times.
this walk would be so much harder alone.  i'm thankful He never has left me alone.

life these days

busy busy busy abby - that's what my sister-in-law called me yesterday in an email.  i never think about how busy i am regularly, that is, until i talk to a neighbor that i haven't seen in weeks because i'm always coming and going, or until fridays.

fridays...sigh.  i homeschool kids monday through thursday mornings and so friday is my "i don't have time for that now, i'll just do it on friday" catch up day at the end of every week.  it always feels like i hit the ground running and don't stop the entire day.  our next COAT group comes in next week, so prep is at a crazy high.  aren't fridays supposed to be relaxed??

today i'm sitting at panera using their free wifi, trying to update my life and prepare for church tomorrow.  i was asked to do the communion message for this week a while ago.  the Lord has put something on my heart, now the task is not getting distracted in these final preparation moments.  it's so easy to do.  i have plants that need planted in front of my house, i have to pick up my new-to-me washing machine today, bake a dessert for tomorrow night, do the stacks of laundry that have been piling up since my old washer went kaput, take a table and chairs to a friend...and so it goes.

i want to write a long update about asia, but right now panera is filling up and i feel like i should give some sweet senior citizens my table.  so i'll leave links to my friends' website - they have a podcast about my time in M and you can hear Maggie's thoughts briefly about her first days out of the country for the first time in her 16-year old life!  also there is a short video clip of us petting actual white elephants!  so cool.  they are albinos and asia is where the whole "white elephant" gift tradition came from, as explained here.  and to explain my face in the picture here, that is me masking fear with a smile.  i know how strong elephants are - they are the most deadly animal in africa, did you know that!?  i did not like turning my back to her to be able to smile for pictures.  i thought they were lovely, i liked petting and feeding them, aaaaannndd, i was very very nervous.  please don't hit me with your super strong trunk.  please don't stomp me!  but i made it out alive and we got to do that for free!

as soon as i get internet back at home, i will attempt to write more stories of the time in asia.  God gave me some amazing opportunities to teach and serve.  and He amazed me with His faithfulness in my travels.

pray for my time tomorrow speaking at church.  i'm honored and excited to share, but also nervous.  pray that my favorite nervousness word, "ummm" doesn't overtake me and i will speak only what God wants me to share - and clearly!

this...

is what happens to your welcome mat when you never use your front door and you live in the jungle.

okay, i don't really live in "the jungle."  but it feels like it.  my house is surrounded by tropical trees and vegetation.  and mosquitos.  so i call it the jungle.  

and it's home.  

asia bound

i'm going back!

tomorrow morning i leave my house at 4:15 am.  from there i will travel for almost 2 full days (and nights!) to south east asia with maggie, the wonderful 16 year old daughter of friends.

i am so excited to head back to myanmar and go to cambodia for the first time.  so excited to be with our workers there and encourage all of our M's in asia at our regional conference in cambodia.  cannot wait to work with all of the M's kids at the conference - including meeting several of the kids for the first time, since they've been born since i saw their families last!

pray:
for the conference to be uplifting to all of our workers from the asia region.

for wisdom & rest for myself - so i can be an encouragement to all i encounter.

safety in travel - and sanity!  i have a 19 hour flight there and a 23 hour flight back (each has a refuel stop, but no real layover).  i'm honestly dreading these...please pray for me to rest in God's peace and that i actually get some sleep.

matt boden, my friend who's wonderful wife, kylee, died earlier this year is traveling to the asia conference as well, bringing his youngest two children with him.  last year he and kylee, with 1.5 year old sarai,  traveled to cambodia to see if it was a potential opportunity for their family.   matt is returning to those they visited - most of his closest friends in the mission are in asia countries as well.  he is going to help with the conference and to allow others the opportunity to grieve with him and get the chance to meet baby Caleb.  he will be traveling with a 3 year old & 6 month old alone, so i'm sure he would appreciate prayers for the travel and the grieving process with our nationals & M's in asia.

that God will bless my time with Maggie!  And for all the relationships I'll be renewing.  That I will be willing to be used in any way and have my eyes open to God's working!

love you all - see you in 2.5 weeks!

internet Jesus and the search for answers

“look at me. i need you to give me a verbal answer.  looking away from me silently is not an answer.  even if you don’t know, you still need to respond audibly.”

i found myself saying these words to one of my kids this week.  homeschooling has started back up and all week i’ve noticed that when i ask Micah a question he didn’t know how to answer or thought that the answer wasn’t desirable – he would simply look away in silence.  it was driving me batty.  so by thursday i sat toe to toe with him and laid it out for him.  i needed a response.

funny how God teaches us lessons.  tonight my week with micah and my life group conversation came colliding. we were talking about the one question we would ask God if we could.  most of us assumed that we would be in heaven to do this asking. 

i mused why i, myself, pictured myself questioning God in heaven at the end of my life, rather than on earth, now.

i realized i wanted an audible answer. 

i want the easy way.  the quick direct answer from God, please.

you see, even with Micah, i can usually figure out what he’s thinking without him giving me an audible response – i just have to try harder.  i have to watch his non-verbal cues.  i have to know him.  if i try, i can see when he’s frustrated, disappointed or mad.  it just takes work. 

it takes relationship.

so it goes with God.  i want “internet God.” instant answers.  instant help, when i want it.  

i don’t want to ask God a question and then wait for an answer.  i want it now!  just like the bratty Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka, “don’t care how, i want it now!”  i become a bad egg.  i convince myself that i’m not made to wait for answers.  i’ll pray and 6 seconds later i’m off, frustrated that God hasn’t spoken yet.

yet, there is no relationship in “internet Jesus.”  relationships take work.  and it’s beautiful when a friend “learns you.”  when you understand them – like me understanding that Micah sometimes needs to be silent while I need to slow down my need for instant answers from him and just be around him – you get something far deeper and greater than you could imagine.  

i want answers but i don't want to wait for them.  even more so, i don't want to invest in the relationship with God, to understand who He is.  i'm a child of my generation - microwave food, internet, iphones, atms.  i live in a world that moves fast.  i get antsy when the internet connection is slow or i can't text someone.  yet i try to demand the same of God.  God who took 9 months to painstakingly form me in my mother's womb.  

God is more than worthy to be savored.