Tuesday, June 8, 2010

small things

sometimes what i do feels small.  very small.  i see little differences.  i hear little encouragements.  yet it all seems purposeless in the grand scheme of things.  i've helped a kid grow from reading 1-3 sentences to reading chapter books.  helped a child come out of their shell.  broken down walls in a little boy so that he welcomes things out of his comfort zone.  helped a little girl learn how to spell her first words.  

yet billions, yes billions, do not know Christ as their Savior.  millions will go to bed hungry tonight.  child prostitution around the world rages on.  people are abused and rejected without hope.  homes are destroyed by earthquakes, famines, floods.  

and i sit in fort myers because God has not told me to "go."  i teach because He has sent me these children to me.  6 kids now, from 2 different families.  

and i try to wrap my mind around the diversity in my mind.  the burden for the world mentally, yet so often my spirit is unwilling.   because deep down - this is what i want:

to be a wife and mother.  and do it as well as i possibly can.  no matter where i am.  

and i don't see how that meshes with solving all the world's problems and it's deep need for Christ either.  

maybe i'm made for the small things.  maybe i'll never end up in any history books.  maybe i'll never be famous (and i admit it, most of my life i've wanted that - drama queen that i am).  

maybe i'm made for the small things.  and the question is, will i do them well?  or will i sit and stew because they feel small?  will i worry that i'm not important, while forgetting that the truth is that i'm actually not important, but the God of all creation is?

maybe it's okay to feel small.