Friday, April 27, 2007

all together now...Jesus!

Become like Children...

just a thought. we laugh at little children for always enthusiastically answering the sunday school answer of God or Jesus to every question. perhaps they are really wiser than us all because they know that is really the ultimate answer to everything.

and then it becomes not at all suprising that God would put someone as stubborn as me in ministry with children. it reminds me of that very fact i strive to lose the pretense of thinking that i know so much more than these children i'm "teaching."


i am a tightrope walker
balancing alone before the crowd
grin plastered on
feet precariously searching
for a place of rest
crowd smiles and cheers
i look for a moment to check
i cannot hear them
cannot see their faces anymore
the rope beneath me seems steady and strong
yet i cannot ignore the voice
the voice urging me to fall
after how far i've come?
my path to the rope was not easy
but i endured
i rose to the challenge
that i believed was mine
i made the climb
i saw others fall from the ladder
miss steps
fall to the ground
some rose, some left
to paths unknown to me
as i continued to climb
i knew my way was priveledged
i knew i was strong
no never.
cheers of the crowd are food to me
accolades that are undeserved
my pulse races
there is no net!
nothing to break my fall
i would be left
like others. like before.
left to crawl
to where? to what?
what lies outside the walls i've built?

the voice reassures me
'you will heal'
'you will make it'
but to what?
this rope, this balance i've made
i was sure it was the way
the path i was to take
but i can't see its end
my goal
is gone
do i press on?
do i fall?
fall to be broken
broken to be healed?
what will become of me
when i no longer walk this tightrope
can i trust the voice?
the voice calling me to fall
will i be able to lay aside pride
and fall?
can i trust the voice
that urges me so
and know that the voice will also be
the healer of the broken tightrope walker

and i will not have to crawl alone

Thursday, April 26, 2007


why is it so hard to live by grace? to live by faith? i struggle with people who say that the Christian life is just a simple plan, it's just easy if you are really in tune with God. i struggle when someone seems to have all the answers to life's questions, especially about God. I wonder if they live in reality.

because reality is - even in the Christian realm - people hurt other people. we don't live out grace. we struggle to live in faith and let God be in control of our lives. it is so much easier for me to check out and try not to think about it...but ultimately it always blows up in my face...because when i try to make things happen myself, to do things first and then try to make that who i am...instead of just being, with God in control, realizing He is in everything, and that there is nothing i can do...period...outside of Him...when i do all that...that's when my sin comes out all the more clearly (just not to myself).

"the Lord will fight for need only to be still."

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

this one's for the kiddies

i can't help it.

i believe in children.

call it idealism or hope in the future generations. perhaps it is more of hope of what i know God can do in future generations.

i believe that kids can grasp bigger concepts than we give them credit for. the essential truths that we teach baby adult christians should be taught to actual our baby christians (non-adult) also. we can teach children bible stories all day and all night, but if they come away with "God likes animals" from the noah tale we have withheld so much from them. we would never dream of stopping there with someone whose walk with Christ we were invested in. we would tell them of how God hates sin, but He remembered noah. that God was glorified and you can trust a promise from God.

we can give kids stories. or we can help them encounter God. they already know He exists. they seldom doubt. we just rarely give them a chance to know and experience God.

i believe children can pray and mean it. i've seen it. i believe that the Holy Spirit is alive and working in children. i believe God's power and Jesus' love is applicable in the lives of "God's shortest followers."

Friday, April 13, 2007

i have realized that it is entirely impossible to mark the depths of my heart on paper or computer screen. thus any posting of late has escaped me. the first post here has been impossible for me.

what has not escaped me is daily, beautiful and painful, lessons in grace, hope, community and love.