simply because God has been doing way to much to sit down and write about it.
i admit that the early summer left me fearful of what would lie ahead. i could only imagine that a summer separate from so many i loved and trusted, doing things that i was fearful of could only end badly. that i would emerge from this summer worse off, strained, and further from God. that my friends would grow apart from me. that i would never truly be open with those i love and they would move on before i could give and before i could let them in. that the happiness i had enjoyed would only be fleeting memory.
i couldn't have been more wrong. in late may (after my last post) God nudged me to realize that just because change was on the horizon, did not mean that it equaled things getting worse. i wrote these words in my journal:
"yet i have been told that there is hope in God. that His
hope does not disappoint. so that there is this possibility, faint,
growing in my heart, that there is hope. that maybe i will grow.
that maybe things will get better this summer. that i will become more
open and relationships will deepen. that i am not approaching a future
of doom, but instead a future of hope. there is hope."
and it was tested. day after day, this hope was tested. there have been so many rough spots and stretching moments this summer.
God showed me through a tim keller sermon that i have hope because of my future i have in Him. nothing is to difficult in light of what He has planned. because this life is not the end. i have so much hope in Him.
and hope has been found in the strangest, smallest, and beautiful ways. a guy on campus pulling my chair out for me causing me to realize that there are wonderful, godly, gentlemen out there and that maybe i can let down my pride and stubborn independance and receive love and graciousness from another.
that God could use me to teach a hardened group of high schoolers. that He does provide the words when you have nothing to say and no idea how to say it.
that God gives me the strength to serve in places that are unsafe.
that He doesn't give up on me and puts people in my life who do the same.
that He is still calling me overseas, He just wanted me to trust Him with the location.
that He finds me worthy enough to continue teaching me even though i fail to listen so often.
that He's helping me be more honest.
that He puts people in my life at the right time (sometimes even strangers) to pray with me.
that He brings unexpected new friends.
that He has given me the ability to sleep again - without medication.
that He has renewed my passion for asia.
that He is sovereign.
it's true, actually, what the Bible says - Hope does not disappoint.