bind up the broken hearted girls

a few weeks ago my friend megan sent me this quote from the book, The Papa Prayer that I've had on my shelf since october, but have yet to open.

"Women yearn for beauty, for an internal reality that makes eternal impact by drawing others to cherish and honor and protect what they see, by awakening in others their desire for ultimate beauty. Nothing terrifies a woman more than to feel that there is nothing unique about her being that another could esteem or treasure."

now of course my initial reaction to this came from my semi-sorta-feminist thinking that says i am strong and can do anything, roooaaar! then about two seconds later a deeper part of me realized...it's true. in the deepest core of me, it's true.

and i thought about my friend's matt and kylee who were at that very time in cambodia, seeing if they might possibly move there. they were spending time at Rapha House, a place that rescues girls out of the sex trade and brings them hope, healing, and trains them in new trades. those girls, of all ages, have been on my heart so much lately. my heart breaks for them and i wonder what i could do for them. i think of my friend corey, who is actually there full-time - teaching the girls trades.

i think of the hurt and i wonder what can i offer? how do you let these girls know they are worth being esteemed and treasured. that they are esteemable and treasurable.

just a few days ago i was driving down my street. our office and houses are in the "rough" part of town. there is a lot of life here. kid's playing basketball in the street, families sitting outside talking to their neighbors - things you don't see in the suburbs as much anymore.

and there are things that break my heart too. the thing that may make me the saddest is the prostitution. it is such a mix of anger, sadness and helplessness every time i see a girl or a 'pickup.' i call the police but wonder if it even makes a dent.

so the other day i drove and saw a girl walking down the street. i knew by her walk and that ever so slight slump in her shoulders that she was a prostitute. i knew by the downcast look she had that got masked every time a car drove past, turning it into a look that i don't know how to describe other than "pick me." as i drove i saw a police car coming down my street, slowing towards her. i slowed to let him pass, thinking that he would do something, stop her, maybe this could be the wake up call she needs. she stopped and leaned into his car and i saw him smile. i couldn't help thinking it was odd. then i saw her get in and in my dismay as i looked through my rearview mirror, i realized that it was a taxi driver, not a police man. i burned, i cried, i wanted to whip my car around and blare on my horn and stop what i knew was happening. but they were gone. they whipped out so fast. i was brokenhearted that i had slowed down. that i had helped him stop. all i could think was, "Lord, what can I do?"

and i don't have the answers. i don't have them when new missionaries come and live with me broken from their pasts. i don't have answers when missionaries come off the field broken from how hard it is.

Christ quoted this Isaiah passage:

¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

i can't help but wonder what my role in all of this is. i know i don't have the answers. i can only pray to be faithful to the One who is. to show them that God finds them esteemable and treasurable.

pray that i can be faithful to the girls in the next training group that comes. that i will care deeply for the children that come, 10 in all - 8 of which are girls. (pray for their two brothers as well!) pray for my housemates, that we would love each other and spur one another on to love and good deeds. pray for my friends, that i can rejoice with them in their joys and weep with them in their sorrows. and pray that i will have the wisdom to reach out in my neighborhood and around the world at the opportunities God gives me to do so.

adventures in cupcakes

a few weeks ago was my roommate, Bri's birthday. she loves the combination of raspberries and chocolate - so i put on my thinking cap and whipped up chocolate cupcakes with pureed red raspberries in the center and then used the juice drained off of frozen raspberries as the liquid in a buttercream frosting - topped with a fresh raspberry. Voila, cupcake wonderfulness.

and for the baby shower? that was today over lunch. i made plain old yellow cupcakes, but filled them with sweetened cream, frosted with a pale green buttercream, topped with a tart (gigantic!) blackberry and sprinkled with a dusting of green sugar. mmm...

excuse me now, while i go brush my teeth a few thousand times.

baby cakes

okay my dear baking friends - i've been asked to (okay, lets be honest, i begged to) make the cupcakes for a baby shower on thursday. i want the cupcakes to be fabulous - so does anyone have any ideas for flavors or decoration for this beautiful baby boy and his wonderful family??

giveaway

A sewing blog is giving away fabrics so I had to post it so I could have 10 more chances to win beautiful fabrics! Sorry for those of you who don't care about sewing, but I saw this on Emilee's blog and I couldn't resist getting my name in the hat as well.

final indiana update - number 3

when i was in indiana i got to go to the theater twice! if you know me well, you know that this is one of the more exciting things in my life. i love theater. the first time was at beef & boards with a group from my home church. it was a riot. the second time was at the red barn theater. i've added a few pictures, because just as the name suggests - this theater is in fact in a barn in the middle of the country. it is definitely one of the coolest places i know to see live shows.

towards the end of my time i had an event for my supporters who lived near burlington. it was a "dessert" thank you party. we had some non-sweets as well, but mostly it gave me a chance to thank people and bake, bake, bake! rachel and mom gave me a ton of help with the food prep and it was a blast. here's some of the yummy-ness.

white chocolate spice cake bites


red velvet cake bites


lemon berry puffs


white chocolate hazelnut tarts


salad tartlets


chocolate marshmallow brownies


the spread

genesis 29

i have always been drawn to the story of leah and rachel. as a child i remember being stunned at the nerve of laban, cheating jacob from his "princess." i, being a child under the influence of disney princessdom and being the best friend of a rachel, always sided with rachel - as if, somehow, i believed that leah deserved her fate as the "ugly sister." because, after all, shouldn't beautiful rachel get everything? she was the one that jacob desired. he never asked for weak eyed leah.

and then as i got older, my heart broke a little for leah. poor leah, played like a pawn by her father. unloved by her husband. yet i always skipped forward into the story where she and rachel got petty in their child bearing turf war.

tonight, though, i noticed a nugget. a little gem in the story of leah. something from before babies started flying out from every corner of the household from every woman in the household.

leah had four sons, right in a row. the first three she names respectively - he has seen my misery (or see, a son), he hears, and attached. each son she responds with the hope that her husband will now love her for each son she provides him. she hopes in what she cannot change.

but then her fourth. she named him praise. Judah. she said quite simply, "this time i will praise the Lord." for all the times later that she didn't get it, for this moment - leah got it. somewhere she learned that her hope was in the Lord. that she couldn't change her circumstances, she couldn't make her husband love her and her sons would never fill that void, but she could praise the Lord. because the Lord saw her.

how many paths do i try to take - my reubens, simeons, and levis - trying to make my own happiness happen? instead let me find real joy in Judah - in praise. let me wake up each morning saying the words of leah, "this time i will praise the Lord." let me face each trial saying, "this time i will praise the Lord." and let me face each joy saying, "this time i will praise the Lord."

indiana trip part 2

one of the main purposes of my trip was to do a vbs at one of my main supporting churches - main street christian church in russiaville. i had a blast with the kids, teaching them about what i do and about kid's just like them in missionary families all over the world. all the nervousness i would have the night before left as soon as the kids entered the room. i will say though, that it probably was a measure of nervous energy and cherry coke that got me through the rapid pace of vbs.

my classroom set up and empty

my classroom with me in it

my classroom full of the "almost kindergarteners" group - i had pre-k through 6th graders every day, 20 minutes for each age group. it was very busy and very fun.

i got to speak at the church the sunday following the vbs - i rushed through my 5 minutes very nervously because all i could think of was the fact that i was speaking during the sunday school hour for 45 minutes. i had never had a 45 minute slot to share before - so i was nervous! yet, somewhere in the midst of my sharing in that sunday school, God stepped in and peace came over me. i had one of those beautiful moments where i felt like God was teaching even me as i shared. i was in awe of what He had been doing in my life in ways that i hadn't thought of before. it's a weird thing to have new things revealed to you as you are the one doing the speaking - so i can only say it was a God thing. pretty cool, huh?