fear

i just broke down into tears at the thought of going to a new small group tonight from my church.  i was trying to explain to friends in the office about how i did not want to go.  it's the "young adults" aka "singles" group that has been meeting together, most of them for years.  

and i'm terrified.  

i'll be the oldest one there.  and while my face says, "hi, i'm 15," as one friend recently put it - i was born older.  i feel at home with my friends who are married and have families - not only because they are my age, but in many ways i relate to them.  but the truth of the matter is, like it or not, i'm in a different place than them, and only hanging out with my married mommy friends has allowed a root of bitterness to be sown inside my heart.  and i have to uproot it.  not by getting rid of my mommy friends, but by stepping out of my comfort zone and going to a life group of single people - even though i'm petrified of the unknown of it all.  will we have anything in common?  will i be able to mesh into this already tight-knit group?  

my friends at the office have talked me into going - so at 7 pm tonight I should be pulling in the driveway of this small group.  pray that i feel God's strength enough to walk in.