Tuesday, February 16, 2010

who woke up with her cranky pants on??

i woke up this morning Cranky.  yes, cranky with a capital c.  i can't say that i even woke up that way, because i'm not sure i even slept all that much last night.  instead of thankfulness that i had an extra day off for the weekend yesterday (thanks President's for the day) i was cranky that it was over.  i didn't want to get up and ended up running way behind all morning.

and yet God is gracious to me.  even with my crummy bad attitude.  even when i feel like i'm about to fall over tired.

first off, jennie called and said that a family friend had stopped by and the kid's wouldn't be over for school for an extra half hour.  exactly the time i needed to finish getting ready for them.

(wait, back up a second, Abigail - have you told anyone yet that you are homeschooling full-part-time this semester?  nope?!  that's what i thought.)  ahem.  i'm homeschooling 4 of my former coat kids this semester while their family gets settled into the community here in fort myers and their mom does homeschooling for 4 of the older siblings.  so every morning i am trying my best to pack a full day of school into the lives of a preschooler, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders!  and it looks like this:

okay, not exactly like this.  although the cribs have become their favorite spot for silent reading.

it actually looks more like this, only with less workbooks now - this picture is from during their time with me in COAT when we were doing bare minimum homeschool.  now we are doing all out projects and lessons.  tiring and so rewarding.

anyways, back to ungrateful cranky-pants morning.  

the key to it all is in that sentence.  ungrateful.  here comes the confession - it's good for the soul, right?  just yesterday i cried to my housemate as i told her i realized i had been basically spitting in God's face.  i've prayed for a family of my own and He's told me to look at the family He's given me in my house and i've been telling Him it wasn't good enough.  i've prayed for children and He's shown me all the kids that are in my life and i've been telling Him it wasn't good enough.

how ungrateful i've been!  how untrusting of my Abba Father!

i think that's why it didn't take me so long today to realize the source of my crankiness.  and God opened my eyes.  and so many have blessed me today!  3 people in the past 24 hours have out of nowhere (well 2 out of 3) told me how much they see God working in me and also how excited they are for me to someday be married and what that will be like for me. oh how that spoke to my weary heart.  because i don't see those things.  and i think a girl can start to wonder if they have a giant "gift of celibacy" tattoo on their forehead that she can't see - and to hear others dream for me and to see something good in me - all i can say is that God is overwhelmingly good to me.  i am so thankful that He continues to work in me even when i'm stubborn, sleepy, and capital c - Cranky.

1 comment:

EmileeHope said...

I feel ya Abby! Sometimes we are so busy looking for what we want, we fail to see the beautiful blessings right in front of us! I am looking forward to your days as a wife and mother! (Because you will be an amazing one!!) One of these days we will be looking back on our times before we got what our heart so much desires and only see the beautiful things that God was blessing us with at that moment, instead of the pain and desire for something more! I love you dear!!