who woke up with her cranky pants on??

i woke up this morning Cranky.  yes, cranky with a capital c.  i can't say that i even woke up that way, because i'm not sure i even slept all that much last night.  instead of thankfulness that i had an extra day off for the weekend yesterday (thanks President's for the day) i was cranky that it was over.  i didn't want to get up and ended up running way behind all morning.

and yet God is gracious to me.  even with my crummy bad attitude.  even when i feel like i'm about to fall over tired.

first off, jennie called and said that a family friend had stopped by and the kid's wouldn't be over for school for an extra half hour.  exactly the time i needed to finish getting ready for them.

(wait, back up a second, Abigail - have you told anyone yet that you are homeschooling full-part-time this semester?  nope?!  that's what i thought.)  ahem.  i'm homeschooling 4 of my former coat kids this semester while their family gets settled into the community here in fort myers and their mom does homeschooling for 4 of the older siblings.  so every morning i am trying my best to pack a full day of school into the lives of a preschooler, 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders!  and it looks like this:

okay, not exactly like this.  although the cribs have become their favorite spot for silent reading.

it actually looks more like this, only with less workbooks now - this picture is from during their time with me in COAT when we were doing bare minimum homeschool.  now we are doing all out projects and lessons.  tiring and so rewarding.

anyways, back to ungrateful cranky-pants morning.  

the key to it all is in that sentence.  ungrateful.  here comes the confession - it's good for the soul, right?  just yesterday i cried to my housemate as i told her i realized i had been basically spitting in God's face.  i've prayed for a family of my own and He's told me to look at the family He's given me in my house and i've been telling Him it wasn't good enough.  i've prayed for children and He's shown me all the kids that are in my life and i've been telling Him it wasn't good enough.

how ungrateful i've been!  how untrusting of my Abba Father!

i think that's why it didn't take me so long today to realize the source of my crankiness.  and God opened my eyes.  and so many have blessed me today!  3 people in the past 24 hours have out of nowhere (well 2 out of 3) told me how much they see God working in me and also how excited they are for me to someday be married and what that will be like for me. oh how that spoke to my weary heart.  because i don't see those things.  and i think a girl can start to wonder if they have a giant "gift of celibacy" tattoo on their forehead that she can't see - and to hear others dream for me and to see something good in me - all i can say is that God is overwhelmingly good to me.  i am so thankful that He continues to work in me even when i'm stubborn, sleepy, and capital c - Cranky.

God's painting

though not intentional, i seem to have taken a nice long break from blogging.  surprisingly, i have not missed it.  yet, i shall try to return.

i was just walking back upstairs into our office building.  (NMSI's offices are the entire second floor of an office building and one large suite downstairs.  we are able to rent out the other downstairs suites to various places, including a coffee/ten thousand villages shop, a hearing clinic, a church and others.)  i took the stairs, since it's better for me and i can avoid our terrifying elevator.  both of our stairwells have a large picture window high up on the second story.  one of these windows is blocked by a tree, but the other one faces south towards the beautiful open sky.

i love looking through this window.  the "picture" changes every time.  sometimes it is clear crystal blue.  other times it has pretty wispy clouds or dark, powerful clouds.  other times the picture is deep blue and full of stars.  i know that all i have to do is step outside and i can take in the view of the sky as a whole.  but outside also comes with trees and power lines and traffic.  inside the stairwell, i get a quiet beautiful glimpse of something glorious.  a painting created by the most amazing creator.

and God knows that i'm limited.  that sometime He must give me His glory in small, yet gorgeous bites.  it's why He "never gives us more than we can handle."  and somehow, looking through the picture window, i get a daily dose of how good God is and how much He cares for me to paint such a beautiful blue canvas for me to enjoy.

the three-legged, peg-legged sheep

a long time ago i used to sit at my grandparent's house at christmastime, completely entranced by grandma's nativity.  to be honest i think i have always had a love of nativities, relishing in the role of setting up my families and having my own tiny glow-in-the-dark set by my bed year round.  it was like playing with dolls with the added awe of being close to something holy.  through the years i have collected quite a few nativities of my own.  i'm even trying to win a new one from this blog this week.

this beauty in my living room

this one on my tree

this one i found in Myanmar this year

and this one, that was my grandma's too, just not the one from grandma's.

back to grandma's house.  her nativity was old.  and chipped.  and fragile. and she let me play with it whenever i wanted.  i'm sure she accepted the fact that with 17 grandchildren and, at the time, over 30 great-grandchildren (i was the youngest of the grandchildren, but the great-grands were the ones my age) her things were just going to be played with.  oh, i was ever so careful with them, but i was a child, so chips and dings happened.  there was just something so special about her little cardboard stable and holy family.

a few years later, that nativity was given to me.  and i cherish it.

torn stable. only two wisemen and a mismatched set to say the least.  i borrowed the camel and donkey from the brown set from earlier to fill out the stable.  the shepherd, maybe he's another set's joseph, but here he is an unpainted shepherd.  and then little mary & joseph, bowing, in awe of baby Jesus in his cotton lined stall.

and yet my favorite part of this nativity?  the three-legged, peg-legged sheep.  i know there are no stories about him in the Bible.  but he's a very important part of my christmas.  if you look closely you'll see him there at the feet of Jesus.

he would have been thrown out years ago by any sensible person. he's missing one leg.  the other is only a wire. another leg is badly cracked.  he's chipped and he's ugly but he has become more dear to me in every passing year.

it dawned on me a few years back.  i am the three-legged, peg-legged sheep!  broken, cracked and ugly i dare throw myself at the feet of Jesus.  and i welcomed in to worship.  if you notice the other two sheep, they are proud looking, heads up or turned away.  but this sheep's head is bowed.  i'm sure the original maker intended this sheep to be eating grass and that's why his head is low.  but i see a broken, hurting sheep bowed before a Savior.  One who will bring him ultimate healing.

so every christmas i'm reminded by the three-legged, peg-legged sheep how deeply loved i am by God that He would send His Son to the world, to help broken, awkward and ugly sheep like myself.  and how welcome i always am at His feet.

Merry Christmas Friends

calm christmas

my new background was entitled "calm christmas."  i couldn't think of anything i would want more.  i'm trying to sit here calmly for a few moments, not thinking about the 2 pies i need to make tonight or all the errands i need to run for the children's celebration tomorrow.  i'm taking a few minutes to slowly eat my blueberries and not think about how we are going to get the pinatas made in time or what games i can come up with at the last minute for tomorrow.

i'm not thinking about my surgery on friday and how i'm going to be healing still on christmas day.  i'm not thinking about how i'm going to have to tell my nieces and nephews that i can't play around with them like normal because i have to protect my nose and i will even have to be careful about which way i hold them on my lap.

no, i'm thinking about calm this christmas, just for a few minutes until...

wait...

never mind.

i can hear the children coming.

time to go back to my happy flurry of activity.

it was fun while it lasted, right??

wordless wednesday

we've got dinner on the brain

almost wordless wednesday

a few pictures of late:

wonder kitchen woman - "the fate of dinner lies in her hands"

silly times in COAT kids

and this beautiful sweetness is my newest nephew - i'm in love.  that adorable little faux hawk is 100% natural!  7 more days till i get to hold him!

"it's a morton salt day, God"

that's what i found myself praying just a few minutes ago.  oh i could write tale after tale of how wonderful these kids are and how good it has been going.

but today is a morton salt day.  my momma used to collect morton salt collectables and still has a few.  morton's picture was always of an adorable little girl under an umbrella holding a spilling container of salt.  their slogan?  "when it rains, it pours."  now, while it's been cloudy all day, there has been no actual rain. but oh how it's poured.

my kids are getting to the point where they are realizing that this move is permanent, they have to do their homeschooling with me instead of mom, and the novelty has just plum wore off.  one of the kids is showing anger that they have never really shown before.  one bursts into tears at the least little thing.

and in my house, there seems to be sorrow after sorrow as well.  roommates deeply hurting.  roommates believing satan's lies.

so i feel a good bit helpless in both cases.  i want to cry, but don't know whose shoulder wouldn't break under the weight of one more thing.

so as i was walking today, i just prayed, "it's a morton salt day, God."  He knew what i meant.  and He's here.  He'll be present as i scramble to get dinner on the table for my housemates for our "family" dinner.  He'll be there as i process and plan for tomorrow, hoping for a better day, but finding a way to trust if it isn't.

pray for my hurting kids.  pray for my hurting roommates.  pray for me, please.  pray for stuff that i don't even know how to articulate.  we're having some morton salt days - and i could use the strength from your prayers to help myself and others remember that Jesus is here, scooping up the mess of salt and rain that are falling down.