time of solitude

how quickly i break my own rules

unwilling.

unwanting.

afraid of solitude

and too busy

for God.

so my planner is out

my notebook of ideas too

closed but still in reach

why can't i push them away?

i can't sit still

can't focus

can't find a God who seems real

i can't find the time to try.

why can i write about God,

yet fear to pray?

why are we to timid and shy

to praise the God of our lives?

voices barely heard

sharing adoration

barely felt

do we really believe?

how can faith sound so right

and never feel real?

why are we dead inside?

why don't we praise?

why can't i shout Your name

instead of my timid "amen?"

why do i fear?

this pit

the gnawing pit inside

tells me this isn't right

we are holding back 

or maybe don't really believe

so we stay scared

stay busy

stay silent

stay away

from Him

who always

stays.